Worst Best News Ever

[loracs]

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I’ve been doing short bursts on FB because I haven’t had the energy to do anything more. A lot has been going on.
 

Worst Best News Ever

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. I’ve been doing short bursts on FB because I haven’t had the energy to do anything more. A lot has been going on.

 

First a quick (I hope) recap. Last August because of continuing budget shortfalls in the City, I was placed in a reduced hours position at a Senior Center. It was a 20% cut which comes on top of the city-wide cut of 10% we took created by furlough days and new contribution shares to our retirement account. In addition, there have been a couple of smaller cuts to other portions of our household income. AND, there are threats of even bigger cuts coming down the pike when the state budget is passed.  I am first on the seniority list to return to a full time position when one becomes available.   Well . . . one became available last week and I had 24 hours to decide to take it or not. This was not a slam dunk decision. The pros: more money, accrue seniority and retirement hours faster. Cons: the hours our longer and I will hit more traffic both ways, it is in a department I’ve never heard of, I will have a new boss and co-workers to deal with, I don’t love my current position, but it is relatively easy and low key. And the biggest con – Betty’s health, more on that below. Even though there are more cons than pros, I felt I had to take it. I start on Feb. 22. 

 

Betty’s status: she has stage 4 renal cancer. The tumor “looks” stable but there has been an increase in several metabolic problems. Then she fell and broke her leg in early December last year. They put a rod in her femur and 2 pins in her ankle. The surgeon said she may never be able to put her full weight on it. With the possibility that we would need to use a Hoyer lift for all transfers, I felt we needed to fix some stuff in her space. Her floor had an old, mushy (when new was cushy), very dirty carpet. When I’d used a lift a few times to transfer her, I had a very hard time pushing it on the carpet and feared I would hurt one or both of us if I had to do it twice a day for the rest of her life. The floor was very uneven, so I thought the best we could do was a new indoor/outdoor very low profile carpet, but when we talked to the flooring people we found we could do a wood laminate with some relatively minimal leveling of her floor – not cheap, mind you, but doable. Well, one thing cascaded into another and in the last month we have put in new flooring throughout the space, including new vinyl in the bathroom. To do this we had to pack up EVERYTHING and put it one of those portable storage units (1-800-PackRat). So then we might as well have the walls and blinds washed, cull any old/broken stuff (with Betty’s permission) including her big clunky desk, replace the doors and woodwork damaged while she was learning how to drive her wheelchair (bathroom door, bedroom door and front door), purchase a big flat screen tv and have it mounted on the wall, so she can more easily watch it while in her hospital bed and a new desk. It all looks great even though I’m still trying to unpack all the boxes. 

 

Betty in the rehab center and the goal is to sit up for at least 4 or 5 hours a day in her wheelchair. There have been several set backs including a cellulitus infection and fluid build up in one lobe of her lungs, which sent her back to the hospital for a week. The infection is under control and they tapped a liter of fluid out of her lung. The test was inconclusive for cancer cells, but because there was blood in the fluid, her oncologist suspects it is cancer related.  She has had trouble breathing and is now on oxygen.   She has little energy, is very sleepy (which might be drug related), and short term memory issues. Betty has been in the Comfort Care program since last July. It’s a relatively new department at Kaiser – it’s not hospice, but it provides some of the same services. We’ve only met with them a couple of times and mostly we’ve talked about end of life decisions.  

 

If they can stabilize her a little more, Betty may come home soon. We both want that to happen (she is so excited about seeing her new space), but we are both scared too. 
There are so many “what ifs”. What if she can’t sit in the chair all day? It’s much too scary to think of her in bed all day while I’m at work, esp. since I will be gone much longer (7:45 am – approx. 6 pm). What if, even if she can sit in the chair, she needs more help during the day? We all worry that my body won’t hold up to all that needs to be done. When is the right time to transfer to hospice care and what will that look like?

 

I know I burn the candle at both ends now and the middle is getting smaller and smaller. I know we need help. I’m just having a hard time figuring it all out. 

 

So that, in a very big nutshell, is where we stand. Being reinstated to full time status comes at the worst possible time. I fully expect to be affected in June when the city does more budget cuts. I may end up in a reduced hour position again or possibly even laid off. I’m so overwhelmed with it all, I’m not even sure what to wish for, ya know. 

 

Finally, my xmas stuff is still up and it’s starting to depress me.