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Part gurgle, part whine, all pain and confusion. The ride from the vet to the hospital for her overnight observation was one long needle in my soul. ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stonebender and I tried to lighten the mood. We talked to her. We made bad jokes about her and her new lispy bark. In the rare moments of silence, I worried she had died. Then she'd start again. I hated that noise, but loved to hear it. It was a long ride.
The hardest part was seeing her after we arrived at the hospital. Her tongue had been hanging out the whole time. I couldn't see this as I drove. It was purple and swollen and dry. I immediatedly flashed on Isaiah, our first dog. He died running in a field. I was the only one with him. He fell. I managed to half pick him up, half drag him into the van and drive like hell to our vet. I kept looking back at him and I could see his tongue sticking out, purple and swollen. I knew he was dead, but I pushed the panic button when I opened the door at the vet (same vet, Dr. Hack). The staff rushed him away, they tried to revive him, but he was dead. Then I had to go home and wake upstonebenderand tell him his dog was dead. Definitely one of the hardest moments in my life.
Today, Gilly looked bad. She tried to sit up, but she was too drugged. She bled a little, but not too much. I think I would have been better seeing more blood and a normal tongue. Blood I expected. I'm glad I had the vet give me a copy of the transfer information, because the hospital couldn't find the fax. As it was, it took about 45 minutes to check her in. All the time I'm trying not to get too emotional. It was a losing battle.
I have to pick her up tomorrow morning between 7 and 8 am. I hope she's looking better. If she is still having trouble keeping her tongue in, I will have to wet it every 2 or 3 hours per the doctor's instructions. I can only do this until about 2 pm, because I have to takedbubley to a doctors appointment in S.F. I have to make a gruel of her food and try to get her to eat.
GOD, I hope we did the right thing.
stonebender and I tried to lighten the mood. We talked to her. We made bad jokes about her and her new lispy bark. In the rare moments of silence, I worried she had died. Then she'd start again. I hated that noise, but loved to hear it. It was a long ride. The hardest part was seeing her after we arrived at the hospital. Her tongue had been hanging out the whole time. I couldn't see this as I drove. It was purple and swollen and dry. I immediatedly flashed on Isaiah, our first dog. He died running in a field. I was the only one with him. He fell. I managed to half pick him up, half drag him into the van and drive like hell to our vet. I kept looking back at him and I could see his tongue sticking out, purple and swollen. I knew he was dead, but I pushed the panic button when I opened the door at the vet (same vet, Dr. Hack). The staff rushed him away, they tried to revive him, but he was dead. Then I had to go home and wake up
stonebenderand tell him his dog was dead. Definitely one of the hardest moments in my life. Today, Gilly looked bad. She tried to sit up, but she was too drugged. She bled a little, but not too much. I think I would have been better seeing more blood and a normal tongue. Blood I expected. I'm glad I had the vet give me a copy of the transfer information, because the hospital couldn't find the fax. As it was, it took about 45 minutes to check her in. All the time I'm trying not to get too emotional. It was a losing battle.
I have to pick her up tomorrow morning between 7 and 8 am. I hope she's looking better. If she is still having trouble keeping her tongue in, I will have to wet it every 2 or 3 hours per the doctor's instructions. I can only do this until about 2 pm, because I have to take
dbubley to a doctors appointment in S.F. I have to make a gruel of her food and try to get her to eat. GOD, I hope we did the right thing.
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If you can, be gentle with yourself.
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-Kerry-