Putting Out an APB on My Xmas Spirit

[loracs]

Three days before Christmas and I'm just not feeling it.  I didn't feel like decorating, although I did some.  I wasn't excited about giftmas shopping, but we did our mall-day-o'shopping last week.  I didn't have my annual open house.  I'd been throwing them since 1992 and the only other time I didn't have it was in 1999 because we had just moved on Thanksgiving weekend.  Most years we had 40 to 60 people stop by.  Is it because I'm getting old or is it a confluence of depressing crap this year?  

Depressing Crap List:

Our dog Gilly died in Sept. and I really miss her. 

The lay-offs in the city have placed me in a job I hate.  Every work day since Nov. 17th  I wake up dreading going to work.

Stacy, Guy's long time attendant, quit because she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about three weeks ago and it's very advanced.  She helped me decorate each year.  Last year she gave me a Santa who "Ho Ho Ho'd" and then bent over, pulled down his pants and farted. 

The economy is scary and I think it's going to get worst. 

I'm sure there's more, but these are the big ones. 

Tonight I went in search of my xmas spirit.  I went out to mail the xmas cards.  I grabbed a hot coco, turned the radio to the all xmas music station, turned off the heater and drove around looking at xmas lights.  I parked across from a tree lot and watched families pick out trees.  Nothing.  I parked in front of the house with moving dioramas.  One is Santa's workshop with the elves pounding away at toys.  Another is 3 snowmen who rotate around a xmas tree.  As each one comes to the front, he stops, turns and "shivers".  They all carry signs with greetings on them.  Tonight I imagined they were strikers on a picket line.  There are several 2-D trains made of lights that blink on and off to make it look like the wheels are turning and smoke coming out of the smoke stack.  I thought of pollution. 

I decided this wasn't working and came home before I saw one more set of framed deers with white lights and moving heads and thought of Sarah Palin.  Or before I heard Wham's Last Christmas on the radio again.

If anyone has seen my xmas spirit or has any to share, please let me know. 

Comments

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

I just posted some links for people who are having a sucklicious holiday season. Sounds like you're among them.

(My father died ten years ago from pancreatic cancer, and one of my dearest friends died this year from it. It's a nasty disease, and it needs to be caught early. And I am angry as well as sad that Stacy's doctors didn't catch it early.)

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

*hughug* Sorry you're having such a rough time, love.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

Thank you. This is the first time I've ever felt like this, you know how I usually am at xmas time.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

I know. You've had such a rough year that it seems reasonable to me that "merry" would be difficult. To tell you the truth, I kinda hate that the holidays put such pressure on people to be festive and jovial.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

I hate that part too, but until this year I had a natural "merry", but it's just so different this year. My mom died in Sept. 2000 and while I was sad sometimes, I still celebrated authentically.
Well, back to making the clam dip.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Yeah. This year so MANY things have happened that you haven't had a chance to breathe.

I didn't realize you were off today. I'll give you guys a call in a minute.

[merujo.livejournal.com]

Oh hon, I'm so sorry. I'm missing mine, too. I'm trying, but I just can't. If I find some, my friend, I will gladly share it with you.

XOXOX

[loracs.livejournal.com]

I know we've both lost our parents. The first xmas after each of their deaths held a special sadness, esp. after my mom's death, but my spirit and enjoyment of the season was still there. I've not lost a sibling yet, so I don't know how you feel exactly, but I'm sure it adds a whole extra layer of sadness. They are us - our generation (even when they're a bit older), our co-conspirator in countless secrets and exploits. And when it happens so close to the holidays, well, my heart goes out to you. I guess this is part of what I wanted to write in the xmas card. I think I'll just send it now.
XOXOX back at ya

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Some of it is in my cube at work. I need to get pictures before I take it down tomorrow.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

hee hee. Did your co-workers enjoy it?

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. The grinch was the particular big hit, but I also have the penguin with the penguin egg, and a couple of other charming characters. I have to restrain how much I play them because of the cube environment, but the grinch has definitely had his day in the sun.

[katluvschocolat.livejournal.com]

I hear ya! I feel less excited this year as well.It's a mix of so many factors.Hopefully the new year will bring happier things for all of us.Hugs to you and yours.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I know you lost someone you loved this year too.

[clever-doberman.livejournal.com]

I just ran into someone who I spent a lot of time with 20 years ago (she'd been a roommate of Crabby P) and it was great to catch up. we talked about our aching joints, our friends who have cancer, the people who have died, our health insurance and job benefits. all that sort of thing that comes with being middle aged.

Since I'm not a christmas person, I've never understood those that are, but I'm betting you'll find your spirit again the next time around. and I'll miss your gathering, and honor all the reasons why it isn't happening this year. and I'm glad you are posting about it.

[clever-doberman.livejournal.com]

p.s. - now we have a matched set!

*HUGS*

[tracytreefrog.livejournal.com]

You have gone through alot this year. Hope things get better. I know I am not too much in the mood either. I think the one thing that is helping me is that I have Tyler here if only for alittle bit!

[firecat]

I've never had much xmas spirit, but this year I felt like wearing festively holiday-ish clothing two days in a row, so maybe I got a tiny bit of yours.

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