The Living Takes Precendents Over the Dead

 I didn't make it to my friend's memorial yesterday and that makes me very sad.  I wanted to be around other people who knew her.  It was held in her art studio.  I imagine there would be a feeling of life interrupted.  When last she left her studio, did she put everything away, empty the trash?  The current work, sitting on her easel, was it almost done or had she just started it?  

I think about this stuff sometimes; if I don't come home what is the state of my space.  How much laundry is waiting in the hamper - did I actually put all the dirty clothes in there or are there any laying on floor?  What pages are open on my computer?  Are there dirty dishes in the sink?  Are there yucky items in the fridge I should have thrown out days ago?  These are safe things to think about; I don't go near how the people in my life will deal with my death.  

I've wandered away from my original thought.  I didn't make it to the memorial because we took Gilly to the vet.  She was in pain and she is a living, breathing creature.  We are responsible for her and the need to get her help outweighed every other need.  I also missed an important board meeting.  Life is one big negotiation on how to meet our needs. Some days it feels like a triage, who/what do we "save", what can wait, what do we bail on?  Yes, life as triage, that's how I'm feeling right  now.  And it doesn't feel good.

Silly Gilly This Morning