I wanted to scream at my co-worker and friend today.

[loracs]

The woman is still alive and here's a link to the update, http://cbs5.com/local/local_story_248192710.html

Back to my need to scream. Today our boss asked us to accompany him to the site where this woman was beaten, bound, gaged and set on fire. I drove the three of us in my van.

We spoke to the first construction worker on the scene last Friday morning. The woman had already been taken away, but he was there for all the questions and gory details of the crime scene. We stared at the spot on the ground he pointed to, no trace was left. Only some foliage, that grew on the fence, was missing, damaged by the fire. In the spring this plant has the most beautiful red flowers, I always pick a few blossoms before they wilt and fall to earth. To the same earth, now desecrated by this heinous, hateful act.

Back to the screaming. My friend and co-worker, on the drive back to our current temporary work site, pondered "what could this woman have done to make someone do this?" And here dear reader, is where my blood boiled and my jaw hurt from clenching it shut for several minutes. The minutes it took me to calm down, to pull back and choose my words and tone carefully. I did not want to take my anger out on my friend. She was only saying something that has probably been said over and over again, in countless homes, in cars, on subways, as people read/listened to this story.

"I think this is the wrong question to ask. Asking what this woman did puts the onerous on the victim. It implies she could have done something different to avoid this fate; which is one small step away from blaming her for the entire attack."

This is pretty close to what I said, which is miles away from the screaming in my head.
"HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ASKING THIS FUCKING STUPID QUESTION? WHY DON'T YOU ASK 'HOW THE FUCK ONE PERSON COULD DO THIS TO ANOTHER PERSON?' WOULD YOU ASK THIS QUESTION IF THE VICTIM WAS MALE?" On and on, these types of questions took turns being front and center, ready to jump out of my mouth.

After I did my very abbreviated, toned down rant, both my passengers were quiet for the remainder of the trip.

Comments

[firecat]

You gave them something to think about.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I'm glad that you explained it the way you did and also impressed by your ability to do so. I would have wanted to react as you wanted to react also, and I don't know that I would have had your restraint, but I think that the way you responded is more likely to get the message through rather than just shut the person down defensively.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

*wordless screaming*

[tracytreefrog.livejournal.com]

That is horrendous you so handled it better than many would have.