Pain

[loracs]

 

I've been having gallbladder pain for a while now; actually saw a surgeon in July.  I didn't like her, so I didn't pursue the surgery, plus I was feeling better.  Did I mention that I hate, hate, hate the idea of anesthesia and being out of control of my body.  And there's the death possibility thing too.  I went through this about 3 years ago when I had knee surgery.  While I don't like pain, I understand pain.  I'm not terrified of pain.  Death I have no experience with and it scares the shit out of me.  Not being in total control of my body I am becoming more familiar with as I age, yet having no control over my body is another arena I have no experience with; again with the scared shitless.

Last weekend I had a bad attack and it lead to an appointment with my primary care doctor.  She sent me to the lab for some blood work, she didn't like what she saw and made an immediate appointment for an ultrasound and alerted the ER I was coming in.  This is Kaiser, so it was all in the same complex.  Nine hours later, after much pushing on my abdomen by many doctors, I was sent home with an appointment to see a surgeon the next day.  I liked this surgeon and I'm scheduled to enter the hospital Friday morning for a 6 pm surgery.  She wants me in the hospital early to make sure my blood sugar is stable.  I had a low while I was at the doctor's office.  I've been eating very little and almost no fat, trying to be good to my gallbladder.  Usually when I get a low, I know it, feel it, test for it and treat it and from start to finish it's about 30 minutes.  This time I did all that and it continued for two hours.  I'm signing off for the surgery, I'm undergoing the pre-op physical, I'm answering and asking questions, all the while I'm sweating, shaking and feeling crappy.  Add the over-all feeling of dread and fear and I can truly say I was having a bad day.  

After the appointment, I made my way on shaky legs to a bus stop, sat down and called  stonebender  /  serenejournal  (they were together in Berkeley) and dbubley  (she was at home.)  Tears and fear flowed (more like a torrential rain) through the phone.  I wasn't very coherent.  stonebender  took off immediately to come find me.  By the time he got there I was feeling more stable.  While I waited I kept testing my blood, slowly eating a bagel I'd started 2 hours before and silently crying.  I'm sure I was quite a site. This was right outside Kaiser’s main medical building and next to the hospital at the end of a shift. There were lots of people around, which would have come in handy if I’d pass out. While I waited for  stonebender ,  dbubley   and  serenejournal  took turns calling me on the phone to make sure I was okay. They didn’t know they were taking turns, but as soon as I’d hang up with one, the other one would call. What did we do before cell phones?

 

A million things are going through my head right now. I want to thank  clever_doberman , who came to the ER and stayed with me for many, many, many hours. I felt bad because they didn’t have a comfortable chair for her, so it was a pain in more ways than the boring way. 

 

The first doctor I saw was a surgical resident. She asked if I had anyone at home. I said yes, I have two partners. Quiz look as she said “partners?” When I defined them as one domestic and one wild, she only looked more confused. I further explained that I had two partners, one man and one woman. I said it’s called polyamory. When she said “I don’t know what that means.” I said, “Well you must not watch much Oprah.” Just as she finally figured out that this 50 year old, fat woman was talking about two lovers/partners/significant others,  clever_doberman  walked in. At which I announced, “This is L.E. and she is neither of my partners.”   Fun in the ER!

 

I also want to thank serenejournal , who came over to help stonebender  out and stayed the night.  She made some wonderful veggie soup to eat when I got home. I was starving. I’d only had a glass of tomato juice, a few bits of cantaloupe, an apple, a banana and a slightly stale, plain, dry bagel all day long. At midnight, a warm meal was very much appreciated. 

 

And a big thank you to my partners, dbubley  and  stonebender , both were ready to rush out into the cold, dark night to come to the ER, but I said to stay in place because I had a feeling I would be coming home.  I love you both so very, very, much. 

 

And the adventure continues . . .

Comments

[okoshun.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're okay and that you have such wonderful partners. :)

I'm glad you like this new doctor. I had my gallbladder out years ago and it felt so much better once it was removed.

*BIG HUGS*

[tracytreefrog.livejournal.com]

Oh sweet lady I can feel for you. I think Guy might remember me calling him crying while I was in the hospital just after the surgeon had come by to inform me I had to have mine taken out. My own Doctor had not mentioned this to me so it was abit of a shock to have a total stranger walk in to my room say BTW I am Dr so and so and I am going to cut you open.It was very scary and upsetting not handled well at all. I do believe Guy would have very much liked to kick said doctors BUTT if he could have. I will keep you in my thoughts and if there is anything I can do let me know. At least you won't have the big assed scar I do to remember it by! Hang in there!

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad that you have such good people looking after you! Also that you feel better about this new surgeon. I hope that everything goes well. And imagine all the fun puns you'll be able to make about having / not having a lot of gall and being / not being galled after it's done!

[waywardcats.livejournal.com]

What an awful day, but I'm thankful that you had four great people to help you through it.

Please let me know if I can help in any way also. I'll be thinking about you tomorrow and sending good thoughts to you and the surgeon.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

You're very precious to all of us. I'll be happy when this is over and you can relax for a bit.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

You know I'm available to help in any way I can.

I'm sorry this is so hard for you; I am also glad that it's happening, because you will be so much better after the surgery and recovery, and something had to start the cycle.

Big hugs!!

[cassidyrose.livejournal.com]

Well, crap.

We will be thinking of you. I hate going under general too. I asked the surgeon if he could do my wrist surgery under a spinal block like I had with the c-section but apparently that wouldn't work. Many hugs to you and I hope the surgery helps. I am so sorry you've been sick for quite some time now. Oh, it has helped me to ask to speak with the anesthesiologist before the surgery and discuss my concerns. I get really, really sick from anesthesia and it makes me really nervous and talking with them has helped. The one I had for the c-section was great. Don't know if that will help you at all, but it might help you feel like you have a little bit more control.

Much love to you.

[clever-doberman.livejournal.com]

let me tell you, when I called and asked if you'd like me to come to the ER to sit with you, of course you said "NO" at first, but I pushed and finally heard that quiet "yes" which is good because I would have come anyway. Pat has decided that I have to wait to die until all my friends are gone because I have a lot of work to do to manage their care. well fine. I'll do it. is it okay to say that I had fun hanging out with you in the ER?

and it was a relief to get the call that the surgery is later today and we'll be on the other side of this thing - finally - because you've been sick for a while. and while you may be used to or familiar with pain, you don't have to live with it when there is a reasonable solution.


hugs and kisses all around to Serene and Stonebender and D'Bub for good family caretaking. getting the call from Dbubley to let me know what was happening was great, I'm so glad you did that my sweet. and knowing that Serene was on her way to Stonebender gave me peace of mind that I could focus on getting over to Kaiser. so good teamwork is essential and we did a fine job.


I may not be one of the partners, but this IS a family affair.

[firecat]

Let's hope this is the last hospital visit you and your family have to endure for a good long time.