Polyamory = Legal Cheating

[loracs]

A few days ago I went with dbubley to an appointment with one of her doctors, Dr. K.  I've been to most of her appointments with this doctor and I'm pretty verbal, i.e. asking questions.  And Dr. K. knows we are domestic partners and we've strayed off of medical talk a few times.  Dr. K. has mentioned a few things about her family, she's Muslim, not married and has several nieces and nephews she's close to, that sort of thing. 

I was wearing my alt-poly con t-shirt and Dr. K. asks me what it means. 

dbubley  couldn't wait to see what I would say.  The question caught me off guard, so I didn't have the usual "it's an on-line group that gets together every year" when I don't want to go into the whole poly explanation.  I answered her honestly with a short "it's about people who believe having more than one relationship is okay" and then I used the shorthand word "non-monogamy".  Her response was "Oh, you mean legal cheating."

Oxymoron's R Us

Comments

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Wow!

There are so many ways to take that one apart. I note that cheating on one's spouse is, in fact, legal.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I always have to do a double-take when I hear that one. I mean, if it's legal, then you're following the rules, right? And if you're not breaking the rules, how can it be cheating?

[loracs.livejournal.com]

That was my first response too. Then it just felt like she was doing her best to put it in her own language, even if it makes most people scratch their head.

[clever-doberman.livejournal.com]

[warning: classic therapist response alert]

thse kinds of comments are so revealing about the speaker more than anything else. what kinds of constructs does she have about relationships? to what extent does her culture affect this response, and her own unmarried status within that culture?

do you think this will affect how she delivers medical services to D'Bubley? and would you have done it differently if you hadn't been caught off guard, or would you have worn a different shirt?

[end therapist mode]


and now for a complete non-sequitor:

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[loracs.livejournal.com]

I don't think it'll affect her delivery of services to dbubley but I guess we'll find out next time we see her. Starting Jan. 1, I'll be a Kaiser member too and can go to see her, if referred. She a dr. of pharmacology specializing in diabetes and blood pressure control.

In email or on the phone, she had brought up weight lose surgery to dbubley, but never in my presents. She did, however note that I have gained weight. Why she noticed this about me - I'm not her patient, not even a Kaiser member at this point, feels kind of weird. I probably would see her at this point for her expertise, but I'd be very clear (and wary) about her fat stuff.

When the nurse took dbubley's blood pressure with the machine instead of manually her first number was quite high. Dr. K. was someone alarmed and said you could have a stroke with numbers this high. I said they used the machine and didn't have large size cuff. They took it on her forearm. I gently pushed the doctor to take her bp manually. She did and the number was 30 points lower! Still somewhat high, but a number that probably wouldn't have elicited the stroke comment.

[clever-doberman.livejournal.com]

gotta love Steve. the nurse will take the BP, even with the right cuff, and it is always high because they just don't know how to do it right. Steve ignores the number, talks to me, then when I am all warm and fuzzy and relaxed, he takes it again, and it is always just fine, within range, and I so appreciate that about him.