It's a week later and I still feel a little creeped out.

[loracs]

Last week at this time, I was also alone at work. I needed to answer phones until 5 pm, finish a few things and then close the place up. G, the security guard next door stopped by to say hi. A few minutes after this, a man walked/staggered in. I acknowledged him and so did G. He looked a G with such a menacingly expression like he was going to take a swing at him. Then he focused on me and murmured something like "here to see her." His back was to G now, and when G raised his eyebrows as if to ask me if I knew him, I did a small shake of my head "no".

The man approached closer until only the return of my desk was between us. He said "I like big woman" and then mumbled something else. At this G very nicely said, "Sir we're closing up now." Again the man looked at G like he was going to deck him. He said he wanted only to shake my hand and extended his. Intending to do a very quick handshake, I only extended my 1st and 2nd finger. He grabbed them tightly and tried to pull me towards him. I was able to slip them out of his hand. At this G stood up and said again "Sir, you have to leave now, we are closing." He mumbled and stumbled a little sideways and then headed for the door. G followed him outside since he looked to be headed next door where G works security. I quickly locked the door behind them.

I didn't think I'd get spooked that easily. I've lived and worked in the East Bay (Bay Area, CA) for over half my life. And some areas are rougher than others, but I've usually felt safe. I'm aware, try not to take stupid chances, but have lived my life pretty comfortable with my surroundings. But this incident really disturbed me, so much that I'm even thinking about it a week later.

Am I getting more fearful as I age? Having lived a life without experiencing violence or abuse, do I think maybe my luck is running out? Was this incident really any different than other strange encounters I've experienced over the years? If G had not been here, do I think I could have handled it?

It's after 5pm, time to close it up and head out.

Comments

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

That would have spooked me. I've never been in a situation like that, though, so I dunno how I'd do with more experience in that sort of thing. :/ Just be careful.

I feel for you!

[sogwife.livejournal.com]

I once spent a month not wanting to be out alone at night because I had a creepy nightmare. A dream! I'd be creeped out, too, if it that had happened to me.

[wild-irises.livejournal.com]

Well, it was spooky.

I feel confident that you would have coped well if G hadn't been there; I know how much personal presence you have. At the same time, I'm really glad you didn't have to cope alone.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

I do pay attention to my surrounds and feelings. I've driven around the block an extra time before parking or waited a few minutes before getting out of the van, when I've felt that little prickly feeling. Esp. at night, if someone or group of folks are coming towards me and I feel uncomfortable , I have looked past them to a house or apt. window, smiled and waved, as if someone I know could see me. I'll never know the real threat level of any of these situations.

Re: I feel for you!

[loracs.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I hate when nightmares take on a "beyond the moment" life. Isn't it enough that they disturb my sleep and make my heart race?!

[loracs.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the vote of confidence. I probably would have been fine, but there's there lingering doubt. I've told G about three times how glad I was he stopped by.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I've been on both sides of the issue myself, in that especially as a big male, I often get people acting suspiciously toward me even when I'm totally minding my own business doing nothing to warrant suspicion. Sometimes, depending on my frame of mind, it really grinds me down over time, that constant feeling that my gender makes me a threat or that I'm doing something wrong or threatening just by being male. But at the same time, I've been in situations where I've been worried about people around me, and I think that even given the previous bit, I'd rather people be safe than sorry. It's true that you never know the real threat level of a situation, but I think you're right to be careful.

Re: I feel for you!

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

I find it almost as problematic when *good* dreams take on a "beyond the moment" life. I can't count the number of times I've had seemingly-random but powerful romantic dreams about people and then been unable to disentangle the feeling when dealing with them in real life for weeks/months.

[tracytreefrog.livejournal.com]

I am glad G was there and you didn't have to deal with the guy alone. Although I bet you would have been fine. Working nights for so many years I can totally understand that feeling. Hope you shake it off soon. It is no fun not feeling safe.

Re: I feel for you!

[loracs.livejournal.com]

lol, I had that happen a few times too. Very disturbing, esp. if it's someone I don't like very much in real life.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

I think about that very issue sometimes. I work in an area with a majority of African-American men and groups of teens of both genders. I don't usually walk around with fear. I wonder how they are feeling as they approach me. Are they worried I might fear them? Does it make them feel bad about themselves? Or are they even aware of me as they go on about their business? Most days, if I'm not wrapped up in my own thoughts, I make eye contact, smile and say "hi". I think I'm feeling the opposite pressure of letting them know I'm not putting them in a box marked "danger" and writing off some bit of their humanity.

And we have a fair number of panhandlers, which I sometimes give and sometimes don't, give money to. Unless I have that "unsafe" feeling, I make eye contact as I answer their request. Again, I don't want to put them in a "danger" or worst an "annoyance" box.

I'm a friendly person (IMHO for what it's worth) and I'd rather exchange a pleasant word/smile with strangers than keep my head down and plow on. Yet sometimes the creepy things/feelings happen and I retreat inside.

[loracs.livejournal.com]

Yes, I remember some of your stories about those late night shifts. I'm glad you're in a 9-5 job now.

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

You are a friendly person. :) I got that sort of friendly/approachable/down-to-earth vibe from you.

The panhandlers thing can be difficult here. I used to try to always respond to them, at least, to look at them and say, "I'm sorry, I don't have any," or whatever. Like, to at least not just act like they didn't exist. But then I got a few people who got insulting or started following me. Now, how I react varies, often depending on my energy level and how well I can handle things at that moment.

[dbubley.livejournal.com]

This wasn't a general "unsafe" area threat. You were targeted, and he touched you. It was all very inappr5opriate, but he was pushing the boundaries of social politeness. He wanted to shake your hand and he counted on you being polite, which you were. I'm glad G was there, but if this creep shows up again, don't be polite. You don't have to go directly to rude, but forget polite.

I went through a period in my teens where I attracted weirdos. I was in a small town, but it's as if I was sending out a homing beacon for weirdos. It happened more when I was alone, but even in groups they's approach. I went to a movie with my sisters and friends. This creep wedged his way in to sit besides me and talked all during the movie. He wanted me to come home with him, but I declined and walked in the middle of the group I was with as we left.

When I was about 17 this older deaf man started following me. My town had a school for the deaf, and I took the sign language card he was handing out and signed thank you, which was aboutt the extent of my vocabulary. As long as I was faster than him I managed to avoid him. One Xmas, though, I was with my brother who was about 10. This guy came up to me and wanted to shake my hand for Xmas. I figureed with so many people around, well ok WRONG! He pulled me into a bear hug kiss and tongued me. My brother was doubled over laughing. I was taller than this guy, and didn't really feel threatened, more like terribly embarrassed.

About that same time I had a young man who used to follow me in his car. I didn't know him, but he wanted to marry me. He'd apparently broken his neck in a fall once, but what that had to do with anything I don't know. I didn't feel as much threatened as I did creeped out.

I got the feeling that as a fat sexual object (I even hesiate to use the word woman), I'm not perceived as having ANY boundaries. It's as if I physically take up more space than expected, so these creeps feel as if they can ignore the emotional or social boundaries.

You can't be polite. For whatever reason they are not bound by polite, so you can't afford to be either. About 15 years ago this guy came in to my office at work to declare his love interest. I'd dealt with him professionally, but he just shows up one day to declare his "interest." It's a whole other story, but work itself, normally a boundary of sorts, is no protection. I didn't feel at all threatened in this environment, but shit did it feel familiar. My boss was standing right there being pissed because I had a "personal" visitor. I escorted the guy to the elevator and dealt with her after I'd called security. I'm not nearly as "nice" as I once was. Nice can really fuck up your life.

Re: I feel for you!

[dbubley.livejournal.com]

I used to always have romantic, but also very sexual dreams about people I really disliked, almost hated. It was one of the ways I knew my menstrual period was about to happen. (I don't think I've had any since menopause, probably even perimenopause.