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loracsLast week at this time, I was also alone at work. I needed to answer phones until 5 pm, finish a few things and then close the place up. G, the security guard next door stopped by to say hi. A few minutes after this, a man walked/staggered in. I acknowledged him and so did G. He looked a G with such a menacingly expression like he was going to take a swing at him. Then he focused on me and murmured something like "here to see her." His back was to G now, and when G raised his eyebrows as if to ask me if I knew him, I did a small shake of my head "no".
The man approached closer until only the return of my desk was between us. He said "I like big woman" and then mumbled something else. At this G very nicely said, "Sir we're closing up now." Again the man looked at G like he was going to deck him. He said he wanted only to shake my hand and extended his. Intending to do a very quick handshake, I only extended my 1st and 2nd finger. He grabbed them tightly and tried to pull me towards him. I was able to slip them out of his hand. At this G stood up and said again "Sir, you have to leave now, we are closing." He mumbled and stumbled a little sideways and then headed for the door. G followed him outside since he looked to be headed next door where G works security. I quickly locked the door behind them.
I didn't think I'd get spooked that easily. I've lived and worked in the East Bay (Bay Area, CA) for over half my life. And some areas are rougher than others, but I've usually felt safe. I'm aware, try not to take stupid chances, but have lived my life pretty comfortable with my surroundings. But this incident really disturbed me, so much that I'm even thinking about it a week later.
Am I getting more fearful as I age? Having lived a life without experiencing violence or abuse, do I think maybe my luck is running out? Was this incident really any different than other strange encounters I've experienced over the years? If G had not been here, do I think I could have handled it?
It's after 5pm, time to close it up and head out.
The man approached closer until only the return of my desk was between us. He said "I like big woman" and then mumbled something else. At this G very nicely said, "Sir we're closing up now." Again the man looked at G like he was going to deck him. He said he wanted only to shake my hand and extended his. Intending to do a very quick handshake, I only extended my 1st and 2nd finger. He grabbed them tightly and tried to pull me towards him. I was able to slip them out of his hand. At this G stood up and said again "Sir, you have to leave now, we are closing." He mumbled and stumbled a little sideways and then headed for the door. G followed him outside since he looked to be headed next door where G works security. I quickly locked the door behind them.
I didn't think I'd get spooked that easily. I've lived and worked in the East Bay (Bay Area, CA) for over half my life. And some areas are rougher than others, but I've usually felt safe. I'm aware, try not to take stupid chances, but have lived my life pretty comfortable with my surroundings. But this incident really disturbed me, so much that I'm even thinking about it a week later.
Am I getting more fearful as I age? Having lived a life without experiencing violence or abuse, do I think maybe my luck is running out? Was this incident really any different than other strange encounters I've experienced over the years? If G had not been here, do I think I could have handled it?
It's after 5pm, time to close it up and head out.
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Date: 2006-03-22 04:05 am (UTC)I went through a period in my teens where I attracted weirdos. I was in a small town, but it's as if I was sending out a homing beacon for weirdos. It happened more when I was alone, but even in groups they's approach. I went to a movie with my sisters and friends. This creep wedged his way in to sit besides me and talked all during the movie. He wanted me to come home with him, but I declined and walked in the middle of the group I was with as we left.
When I was about 17 this older deaf man started following me. My town had a school for the deaf, and I took the sign language card he was handing out and signed thank you, which was aboutt the extent of my vocabulary. As long as I was faster than him I managed to avoid him. One Xmas, though, I was with my brother who was about 10. This guy came up to me and wanted to shake my hand for Xmas. I figureed with so many people around, well ok WRONG! He pulled me into a bear hug kiss and tongued me. My brother was doubled over laughing. I was taller than this guy, and didn't really feel threatened, more like terribly embarrassed.
About that same time I had a young man who used to follow me in his car. I didn't know him, but he wanted to marry me. He'd apparently broken his neck in a fall once, but what that had to do with anything I don't know. I didn't feel as much threatened as I did creeped out.
I got the feeling that as a fat sexual object (I even hesiate to use the word woman), I'm not perceived as having ANY boundaries. It's as if I physically take up more space than expected, so these creeps feel as if they can ignore the emotional or social boundaries.
You can't be polite. For whatever reason they are not bound by polite, so you can't afford to be either. About 15 years ago this guy came in to my office at work to declare his love interest. I'd dealt with him professionally, but he just shows up one day to declare his "interest." It's a whole other story, but work itself, normally a boundary of sorts, is no protection. I didn't feel at all threatened in this environment, but shit did it feel familiar. My boss was standing right there being pissed because I had a "personal" visitor. I escorted the guy to the elevator and dealt with her after I'd called security. I'm not nearly as "nice" as I once was. Nice can really fuck up your life.