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loracsShe has knocked on death's door before. She has run back to breath another day. When everything going in and coming out of the body is contained in sterile plastic bags, when breath rushes in and out on the tick tock of a machine, when the body is just plain worn from the inside out, it may be time to knock on that damn door until someone answers.
The doctors don't expect her to leave the hospital this time. They've said this before. It's different now. More and more medical intervention to keep her breathing. The number of places to get good lines in are rapidly decreasing. And yet, when I saw her 2 weeks ago, she smiled, enjoyed my bad jokes, communicated in one word whispers, a little sign language, and lots of interpretation from her partner. We talked of silly things; her adventure in learning to drive a power wheelchair, just before she entered the hospital. Wheelchair- 1, her mother's antique coffee table - 0. The fence that "jumped" in front of her, snaring her front wheels until helped arrived. Future plans to get an accessible van and take road trips with their daughters.
I'm tired for her. At this moment, I'm too tired to cry.
The doctors don't expect her to leave the hospital this time. They've said this before. It's different now. More and more medical intervention to keep her breathing. The number of places to get good lines in are rapidly decreasing. And yet, when I saw her 2 weeks ago, she smiled, enjoyed my bad jokes, communicated in one word whispers, a little sign language, and lots of interpretation from her partner. We talked of silly things; her adventure in learning to drive a power wheelchair, just before she entered the hospital. Wheelchair- 1, her mother's antique coffee table - 0. The fence that "jumped" in front of her, snaring her front wheels until helped arrived. Future plans to get an accessible van and take road trips with their daughters.
I'm tired for her. At this moment, I'm too tired to cry.
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Date: 2007-05-06 08:26 am (UTC)If you want to call to talk pleas feel free. My cell is on all the time and I may not be able to get to it, but leave a message and I can ring you back.
Many hugs to you.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 03:29 pm (UTC)Thanks.
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Date: 2007-05-06 12:26 pm (UTC)Sorry, love.
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Date: 2007-05-06 02:23 pm (UTC)*hugs*
Date: 2007-05-06 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 05:33 pm (UTC)this has been such a long road, and I'm glad you've had some good visiting time lately.
I have an image frozen in my mind of her sitting in the kitchen of the store with two children in her lap, their faces burrowed in the fullness of her neck and breast. the abundance of love, the completeness of that family unit, the simple joy of another gathering. I know I'll always hold that image in my heart when I think of her.
no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-06 05:52 pm (UTC)I am so sorry
Date: 2007-05-07 02:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-07 04:40 pm (UTC)