My semi-permanent eye make-up

[loracs]

These are the most visual marks from my mugging experience.  I took these the next day.  The flash makes the bruise look much lighter than it actually was.  Now, four days later it's less swollen and the colors are fading from dark purple to lighter variations of purples, greens, and yellows.   

I didn't carry a purse the last two days at work.  I know I have to change this because 1. I want to carry a purse and 2. I need to carry my test kit and insulin.  I know at least once and probably twice, I needed it at work.  Instead, I suffered with high numbers.  I am angry at myself for letting him do this to me.  I didn't even want to carry a plastic bag - nothing that someone could grab.  I started this entry thinking I'd show the photos and say I'm fine, everything's fine, everything is back to normal, then I started this paragraph and realized that it's not.  At least twice I've highlighted this with the intent to delete.  Even now I think - maybe I'll set this post to "private".  It will not make it any less true, if I say this only to myself.  Though only a handful of people will read this, I still worry about putting this out in the world.  This idea that I'm feeling that goddamn vulnerable from a really minor event.  Further below the surface, I wonder if I'm this disturbed by this event, how would I handle a really violent attack.  To what level would I change my life to feel safe.  After all, there is no permanent physical damage, in fact, because this sent me back to Dr. J for some adjustments, I'm feeling better than before the mugging - how's that for a silver lining.  

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

It's not minor, sweetie, and it's 100% normal to be traumatized after being attacked. Your entire rational brain can know you're in no more danger today than you were in before you were assaulted, but your hindbrain is going to be hypervigilant for a while. It's totally normal. Also, you may have panic attacks, and the thing the shrink told me that helped most was, "Panic attacks feel like you're dying, but they've never killed anyone. They feel terrible, but they won't kill you."

Love you a lot. Hope this heals quickly, and I'm not talking about your eye.

I'm Normal?

[loracs.livejournal.com]

Thank you for so many things.