My semi-permanent eye make-up

[loracs]

These are the most visual marks from my mugging experience.  I took these the next day.  The flash makes the bruise look much lighter than it actually was.  Now, four days later it's less swollen and the colors are fading from dark purple to lighter variations of purples, greens, and yellows.   

I didn't carry a purse the last two days at work.  I know I have to change this because 1. I want to carry a purse and 2. I need to carry my test kit and insulin.  I know at least once and probably twice, I needed it at work.  Instead, I suffered with high numbers.  I am angry at myself for letting him do this to me.  I didn't even want to carry a plastic bag - nothing that someone could grab.  I started this entry thinking I'd show the photos and say I'm fine, everything's fine, everything is back to normal, then I started this paragraph and realized that it's not.  At least twice I've highlighted this with the intent to delete.  Even now I think - maybe I'll set this post to "private".  It will not make it any less true, if I say this only to myself.  Though only a handful of people will read this, I still worry about putting this out in the world.  This idea that I'm feeling that goddamn vulnerable from a really minor event.  Further below the surface, I wonder if I'm this disturbed by this event, how would I handle a really violent attack.  To what level would I change my life to feel safe.  After all, there is no permanent physical damage, in fact, because this sent me back to Dr. J for some adjustments, I'm feeling better than before the mugging - how's that for a silver lining.  

Comments

Thoughts to ponder

[merujo.livejournal.com]

I wish I lived closer by - I would be there to give you a big hug right now. Since I can't be there to be supportive, I'll offer a practical suggestion. When I moved to Russia, muggings were so common, I got into the habit of carrying basically a travel bag from Eddie Bauer that had a strap long enough that I could carry it across my torso and still have the bag fall close to my hip if I so desired (and that's with my extremely large size.) It was a safety suggestion from the embassy, and it saved me from getting my purse grabbed more than once. Muggers realized they couldn't really remove it from that cross torso position, particularly on a large person.

I carry a black leather purse now - roomy with three pockets that fit testing kit, cell phone, wallet, random junk, and it has a strap long enough to fit me cross torso (which, having seen me, you know is quite a feat.) I feel very secure carrying my bag this way, as it also keeps my hands free. If you ever need a recommendation for a good bag that can be carried this way and works for a gorgeous big woman, you just let me know.

Be well - and don't let this toady bastard's cowardly act get you down!

XOXOX

Melissa