Just Another Herd Creature

but those that do will be laughing their asses off.

I wore a pair of Guy's pants to work yesterday by mistake.

While xmas is my very favorite time of the year, I do love sitting outside and giving the kiddies candy. I freeze, Gilly barks and stonebender stays at the computer. If dbubley is home she will freeze part of the time with me and the tricks or treaters!

And it's good. I really enjoyed my first Altpoly Con. Since I'm not on the newsgroup I didn't know everyone, maybe about 10 of the 45 people there, but found everyone to be very friendly.

More on our San Diego adventure later - I have to unpack and I'm so tired. 9 hours in a van can do that to a person. Lovely company and easy driving up 5 but tiring nevertheless.

I've just got to ask myself this question - why am I writing this when I should be packing for San Diego? If anyone has an answer, please share.

waaah - it's getting late!

I'm really looking forward to this week away from work. And some time to be elsewhere - another place. I love being home, in my house, but so little quality time seems to be spent here. When you subtract out the sleeping and working time in a day that doesn't leave much. Course then there's errants, shopping, and social things (I seem to remember going to those!) that take me out of the house. I find myself equally wanting to be home and be elsewhere. So off to San Diego we go. That feels like enough of an "elsewhere".

Okay, back to packing.
see ya'll next week

I'm tired of being tired whether it's from high BG's, lack of sleep or a stupid, stupid cold. Earaches, sore throat, stuffy nose - yeah, I've got it all.

And just cause I really don't have enough to do, this is Big Moves "Bodies in Motion" performance this weekend (Friday & Saturday night.) It's going to be a great show. Please come - info at www.bigmoves.org. I'm not dancing but a a lot of wonderful dancers are - if you've not seen Mass Movement perform, what are you waiting for? I promise not to get too close to anyone while I'm feeling so yucky, but I will be there. How's that for a inviting invitation!

Today is the 5th anniversary of my mothers' death. Will there ever come a time when I'll not get so incredible weepy and sad on this day? I'll call both my sisters later. It's become a tradition.

My mom said she saw a fortune teller when she was in her 20's. The seerer said she would live until 83 or 84 years old. My mom died 3 weeks before her 83rd birthday. Today it occurred to me my mother might have made this story up. She was 39 when she gave birth to me. This was considered very old back in 1957. I know she worried about dying before I became an adult. She was 11 when her father died but in her 30's when her mother died. Telling me this story all my life might have been her way of trying to quell my childhood fears of losing her.

Or maybe it was true. Guess I'll never know.

Laura died on Saturday, Sept. 3, 2005. I checked her blog last night and read the post from her husband. Tears in silence made a small puddle on my desk. There is a web of sadness covering my eyes this last week. I peek through the strands for moments of laughter, then quickly more strands appear and I cry.

I will go through my closet to find some large size clothing to send to the fat women in the Gulf area. They say some are wearing garbage bags because they have no donated clothes to fit them. Ironic when I think of the weight-loss fads of the past telling you to wrap yourself in plastic to "sweat off the fat".

In 80 and 90 degree weather, I can only imagine the physical hell of wearing a garbage bag let alone the social sigma. How exactly does one keep any dignity in this situation? Crisis = Save the Body but what about the soul/self/psyche?

What do you do when you know what you NEED to do but you just can not get motivated?

This applies to so many areas of my life. Is this a primary function of 1) slowing down physically as I age, 2) actually having more to do with the same # of hours in a day or 3) laziness?

I swear I remember a time when I DID go to bed with my "to do" list blank. Now I go through complete days without checking off one item on that it. And the list keeps growing.

I wonder if this is more of a modern day problem much like the difference between how credit is used today and how my parents' generation used credit. My parents had no credit cards only one "Revolving Sears" account and one at the local shoe store. They charged only when they did not have the cash and then paid it off before they charged a second time. My parents always paid cash for their cars even the few times they bought a new one. They actually achieved the goal of paying off all their property well before they retired. And we are not talking rich here, my mother didn't work outside the home. They owned an small gas station in a small town. My father worked 7 days a week for most of this time. His biggest reduction in hours came during the gas shortages of the 1970's - no gas to sell, no need to stay open. Every once in a while he hired a high school kid to work a few hours a week, but mostly he was it. My mother kept the books.

Many in my generation and younger simple believe we will always carry a credit card balance from month to month. Car and house notes are a way of life. And I really don't expect to pay off this house before I die let alone retire. I recognize we live in a different time/place/economy but it's more about the difference in our expectation around credit.

So back to the "to do" list. My mom expected everything to get done and it usually did. She didn't expect to carry a balance from day to day except for the bigger projects - those went on a "revolving" list. And I think that's how I use to feel too. List complete - head to pillow. I even use to pay off my first credit account before I charged the next item.

Man O' Man, times have changed. I've changed. Maybe I'm looking back 10, 15, 20 plus years ago with rose colored glasses (or a faulty memory) but I really do believe more things got done. Maybe there are completely valid reasons why my list only continues to grow but I still go to bed every night wishing I had been more productive, wishing I could crumble up and throw away todays list cause it was all checked off.

Guess I can check off "whined to my LJ" for today!